Ep. 7: I Murdered Somebody, and It Was the Worst Decision I Ever Made with William Cummings
On this episode of Self Inventory, Host Brandon Chastang talks to his childhood friend William Cummings, who is currently incarcerated and serving a life sentence for murder. They catch up on the big and small after not seeing each other for 15 years, discuss growing up together in West Philadelphia, how William ended up in prison, and the many flaws of the American prison system.
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Transcript:
Brandon Chastang: [00:00:00] A self inventory report is the type of psychological test in which a person fills out a survey about personal interests, values, symtoms, behaviors and traits. Self inventories are different from tests in that there is no objective, correct answer. Self Inventory is a podcast where we investigate the issues of society that don't seem to have any correct answer.
Brandon Chastang blends together history lessons, current events and talks with people of all backgrounds to provide us as a society with a self-inventory. In order to move forward, we need to look at where we've been and where we are now. It's time for Self Inventory.
You're now listening to Self Inventory. [00:01:00] I am your host, Brandon Chastang, AKA B McFly. And yes, B McFly stands for being motivated comes from loving yourself. Yo listen, this is the top of the year. Right. It's time to start getting motivated, start loving yourself, man. And let's start making things happen.
Top of the year, top of the year, I have a special guest. And when I say this guest is special, I mean special because this person holds dear to my heart. We grew up with each other. I love him. He's my brother. He's one of my best friends.
Without further ado, let's welcome William Cummings, AKA Brandon, AKA Bski. What's good, man?
William Cummings: [00:01:41] What's going on?
Brandon Chastang: [00:01:44] How you feel today, brother?
William Cummings: [00:01:46] I mean, I mean, you know, I'm in jail, but you know, I'm alright, you know what I'm saying? As far as everything goes, I get to be around you today. So this is what it is.
Brandon Chastang: [00:01:56] Yo listen, it's a blessing to even see you, man. We haven't seen [00:02:00] each other face to face for 15 years.
William Cummings: [00:02:03] I know it's absolute travesty.
Brandon Chastang: [00:02:06] Yo listen, 15 years. I'm talking about like, I felt safe with you growing up. You know what I mean? I didn't have an older brother. You were my one year older brother. You know, you know what I mean? We did so much with each other and this is a tragic moment that you have to be in prison and I have to be out here, but we're going to carry on the legacy, man.
Let me ask you a question. Let's get this thing started. How was your life at home and in the neighborhood? And let's see, I know these things, but I want the viewers to understand what was these things going on at home and in the neighborhood.
William Cummings: [00:02:41] Okay. Well, well, as you know, I grew up with a stepfather as mad as me to tell y'all a little bit of background history between me and Mr.McFly here. We grew up basically from the ages of say eight and nine, all the way up to 40 and 39. And my home life [00:03:00] was I had a stepfather, you know, he raised me since I was about four years old. My real father was in Florida. My father worked for the court system our whole life. My mother had multiple jobs.
I was the, I was the one that didn't really need to choose the gangster lifestyle, but it was, it appealed to me. It was just the sexy life, as they say. You know, running around doing nonsense. That's just what it was like my home life was pretty good until that fateful say around 16, 17, when everything fell apart between my parents and I just dove directly into the streets.
Brandon Chastang: [00:03:41] So because a lot of people, a lot of people don't, like for me, I grew up with a step-grandfather. But I was raised by my grandfather and my grandmother because my mother and father was on drugs. Now, would you say that as a [00:04:00] childhood, would you consider yourself a product or a result of your environment? Would you consider yourself a product of your environment?
William Cummings: [00:04:07] Uh, it's kinda both ways. Uh, I would say I'm a product of their environment and you, as well as me, we created the environment that we grew up in. So for those that don't know, this, this Mr. McFly, I call him B, you know, this Bski part two, you know?
Um, I'm the oldest one. So I'm part one, he second to nobody except me, you know, I'm the opening act. He's the closing act, that's part two, but at the end of the day, we're both products of the environment cause you know, Uncle Ton and all of them was on a block and they full-fledged gangsters. That's what it is. That's just what it is. You no other way to say it. So, yes.
Brandon Chastang: [00:04:47] So growing up, right. When do you think, like I remember versus childhood, right? Like I always looked at you as the intelligent one, but the tough one too. [00:05:00] I never seen a person like you in my life because I, like, I never understood how you could be so intelligent.
And, you know, growing up, I always used to be like yo B swear he a white boy, B's where he's so smart and use big words and all that. But, but on the flip side had heart because we grew up in an aggressive environment and it's like.
William Cummings: [00:05:23] Most Definitely.
Brandon Chastang: [00:05:24] Right. And it's like, yo, how do you, how did you adjust it? Like, like, like people like you are not normal. How did you adjust to that? Like just being. I'm not going to say you weren't aggressive. You only were aggressive when you needed to be. How did you adjust to that?
William Cummings: [00:05:43] Well, this, this is the thing you, you got to understand that, you know, sorta Leah, you and I were going to meet anyway, cause you only live one block around. Around the corner from me. You understand what I'm saying? So from, I'm going to say, I went to school, I [00:06:00] went to Hanna from, I guess like first grade, wait no kindergarten gets it all the way to third grade. Then I started going to them schools in the Northeast back. See damn Shoemaker and all this shit, man.
Let me tell you, I'm gonna tell you a quick story. Now, you know, I got kicked out of the school was in the Northeast being in knucklehead. So they sent me to Shoemaker. Mom and them like, what school you want to go to Brandon? You want to go to Beaver or you want to go to Shoemaker? I said, I want to go to Shoemaker with Brandon.
She said, fuck that you ain't gone to school for no damn Brandon, you know, mommy, you know how mommy get. So I get, I get the Shoemaker and absolutely blew my mind B. Member bool Charles? The boy Charles, back in the day, this bool, not in our class at all. He was sitting in our damn class. Mr. Fata, Remember the art school teacher boy, back in the day, [00:07:00] sitting in our class, Mr. Fata class. So I said, what the hell is this?
Blew my mind cause I've never seen anything like that B. And this school was in the North east. The whole system is different. Ain't no cutting school and ain't none of that. Y'all going to learn the class, the classes weren't as big. So these are the people that influenced me to grow my brain. And on that block, you better grow your fucking fish, or you're going to lay by the wayside. That's how it goes.
Brandon Chastang: [00:07:31] And I want the viewers to understand that notice that Brandon said when he went to the schools in Northeast, schools were different from the schools in our hood because the North East Philadelphia is a prominent, a predominantly white neighborhood, you know? And you said the class at the time, at the time, the classes were smaller, but when you got to Shoemaker, which is in West Philly to school, that you are not went to, it was like yo 40 kids in one classroom, [00:08:00] everybody fighting, smoking weed, shooting dice, the kids. So now I want to get to that part. When did you start, where you, what type of drugs were you on growing up?
William Cummings: [00:08:13] Now, growing up, you know, our main, you know, party drug, as they say was, obviously weed. You know, we smoked a little bit of weed. But it's ages. You understand what I'm saying? So I don't know, maybe 12, as a matter of fact, the first time I ever really smoked weed like that, it was me and Marcie's, me splitting. We seven to eight years old. I think I stole a j from our mom. We knew what it was, but we didn't really know what it was. You know what I'm saying? So we take it, guess who we go to? T money. You like look T money, for those that don't know that's Ty Aims so he like look T money we got some weed, Ty's just looking at us like, man.
He gets out little way, you know, we young boy, he's trying to impress Ty, know what I'm saying? So our first, our first thing was weed [00:09:00] obviously, then it kind of progressed to weed and beer. Now, you know, the forties back in the day, I was the one that had the beer, so I can go to the store to get the beer. You know what I'm saying?
So it was weed, beer then we progressed a little bit more to pills. This was the North Philly highs. You gotta the understand. We grew up in mid nineties, 15, 16 in the mid nineties. They on J street, for those don't know, the 17th and Jefferson's a long time ago. All you had to do was take the 15 and walk up the street, three for five, football bougie like that.
That's, that's basically all I've ever done in my life. I nothing more extreme, nothing. I never did any type of, you know, E none of that stuff. Like, that's just not my thing. You understand what I'm saying? Like, not to dwell, but yet you [00:10:00] guys have done understand that this is my brother. And I actually seen this man right here be sad because his parents had fell victim to drugs.
And for those that don't know my own father, my stepfather was on drugs too, but he was a functioning addict. You understand what I'm saying, weed was the thing in my house, but my dad was a little bit more stronger than weed. See as kids, us as kids we think this shit is normal and it's really not.
Brandon Chastang: [00:10:27] It's deep that you said normal because growing up, growing up, right. I started smoking weed when I was a little bit like y'all was smoking weed, but then I tried to join y'all with the weed and be on some goofy, goofy time.
I remember when we was kids right. I think we walked in. We, we all spend the night at your crib. If you could remember, we spend the night at your crib mom, mom, lined us up.
[00:11:00] I'm looking up in the sky cause I'm like, yo, I don't want no body to see that I'm high, let alone goofy and all that. Like, ah, so now I'm not, I'm not promoting drugs. Right. But this is what I grew up on. We grew up on weed. We grew up on wine. We used to, we used to go to the store right before it was time to go to school, get some weed, get some wine and go to school high.
But that was the environment. Like you said, back in the day you had the beds. So you was going in there getting the wine for us, getting the bear for us and we get high and go to school. Now, now, as we got older drugs may have been not just something to do recreationally, but now it became something that we had to have because we're going through the older, we get the more pain we're going through.
When did your life start to [00:12:00] change where you now you're becoming aggressive, you're becoming like, you're really becoming who you are aggressively?
William Cummings: [00:12:08] Well, my whole thing with, with the aggression there, there may not be, you know, a lot of my type of folks, but then again, it is like, I see people in here, but you got to understand that it's a lot highly intelligent people in here. Like I reread the other day and I told her, I said, listen, a lot of guys are intelligent in here, but they never had a chance. They never had a chance. So yeah. I think I really started becoming aggressive around it's time.
I'm gonna keep all the way real with you B, spit a little bit of tea right now, when niggas running now really started fucking with you a little bit and I couldn't be around because I kept getting locked up. You see what I'm saying? And I kept having to be on his house arrest shit. That shit was really pissing me off is because [00:13:00] like, They were trying to, they was just hate and here we're kids at the time.
We didn't know he was going to know them for the rest of our lives, but you'd have guys got understand and this environment we can get treated. Treated meaning the week treated like shit. You got to understand it's a pecking order. And in these neighborhoods that we grew up in you're either going to be a shark or you're gonna be a guppy.
And you got to understand, me and Brandon are the oldest ones out of our whole squad. You got to understand there are squads in our neighborhoods, squads meaning gangs. That's a little bit. You know, more, a more articulate way to say it. There are gangs in our neighborhood where these are established gangs with hierarchies and everything, but what me and Brandon were doing, we started it.
You understand, I'm [00:14:00] saying not to be, not that I'm proud of it or gloating or anything like that, or trying to make it sound sexy, but this is just reality. So I had to be aggressive. This is what I had to do. I had to be that guy. Like they not the ones, leave them the fuck alone. You can't fuck with them, but you got to remember our old heads got locked up.
You know what I'm saying? They was all gone. It was just us. We kids, we had nothing.
Brandon Chastang: [00:14:34] And us growing in an environment where older guys worming around. And like you said before, it was so many other different groups in gangs, in different neighborhoods. It was like, no, we don't even want to be a part of that, but y'all forcing our hand. You know, y'all forcing our hand, y'all messing with us. And now, like you said, when you was getting locked up in placement, like how old was you around the time? Cause we [00:15:00] was,
William Cummings: [00:15:00] Oh shit, maybe 11, around 11.
Brandon Chastang: [00:15:03] 11 years old. Correct. 11 years old and 11 years old, shit. We was fighting you walk into the store and it's like, nah, it's like 50 people right there.
And they want to go in your pockets and we not having that. So, yeah. So, so now how many times as like from 11 to, I guess 18, when, since this juvenile years, how many times have you been locked up during your juvenile years?
William Cummings: [00:15:36] Gosh, shit. It's been times where I was locked up, but your mom just come get you from the police station.
And that's probably, yeah. Maybe from, from, so from 11 to 18, bullshit you not maybe 10 times. And these are the times where they don't even [00:16:00] write your shit down. Like they don't put you in a system, as they say, you don't get a court date. They need those things. I remember one of the first times I got locked up. I was going to Lamberton.
And then I guess the viewers had to realize Lambertson is our neighborhood is segregated. Well, it was at the time and this was the all white neighborhood. It's like anything past 63rd street was considered the white neighborhood. And then my parents always wanted me to go to the good schools, to the better schools.
All my friends went to the hood schools, but they're sending me out the neighborhood. I was in a desegregation program, things like that. That's why I went to school in the Northeast. You know, in the Northeast, as we say, in Philly, Northeast Philadelphia desegregation program. Now, as I was saying on the other side of 60 Berry street, that's what a white people used to live at for some reason or other, their schools are always better.
And I was bringing a hood mentality [00:17:00] to these white people's schools and the white people would, they just wasn't having it. So they locked me up. I remember this guy's name, his name was Robert Hannigan. I'm a child myself. I'm 11 years old. And it's crazy that that B said, this, everybody want to run in your pockets.
I was just doing what I seen at everybody else. So I run in this guy's pockets and just so have it just my, you know, rotten luck that his father was a police officer and, you know, They suspended me. They said, well, you know, you gotta gotta go home because it's kind of scared now. So I go home. So he sent me home around maybe 12 o'clock, something like that.
1130, 12 o'clock I don't even think my parents went out. So I'm in the house. And you know, you got a key to your house at 11, you shift y'all house a letter. So I get in the house, I chill for a little bit. Next thing [00:18:00] I know. That's my knock on the door. Doom, doom doom, who the fuck is this. I don't know why I even know him home.
Uh, you gotta come with us William I'm there young lady and put handcuffs on him. Come with us. William. First time I got locked up at 55th and pine. That's what it was now.
Brandon Chastang: [00:18:17] We're going to jump right into it because we don't have that much time for those who don't know, Brandon is actually in prison right now. So we don't have that much time. What got you in prison?
Well,
William Cummings: [00:18:28] as, as luck would have it, uh, kill, murder somebody. And to be honest with them, with everybody, it was the worst thing, worst decision that I've ever made.
Brandon Chastang: [00:18:39] And what is your sentence? They sentenced you to life, right? Yes,
William Cummings: [00:18:43] Pennsylvania, invarious States it's life. The life means 20 to 40 in some States but in the Commonwealth of Pennsylvania, life actually means you will leave out of this place when you're dead.
[00:19:00] Brandon Chastang: [00:19:00] Now, when you first got sentenced, what was your mindset? As brief if you could sell it, like, like, what was your mindset, man? Like, how did you hold up? Like what was going on in your mind once you, once the judge said life?
William Cummings: [00:19:18] Well, another thing, not enough, which is another thing which you had to understand, you know, I guess I'm not talking to, to be personally cause you know, he knows me, but B what people have to understand is my mentality at the time is you, I had to gangster mentality. I had no emotions. I don't care. I could care less about everything and anybody, I just.
The one thing that was really, really in my brain at that moment when it came down guilty because there's three degrees of murder in Pennsylvania. It's first degree murder, which is death row and or life sentence, theres second degree, [00:20:00] which is felony murder. And there's third degree, anything except those two, the first two, I should say, I'm in prison for a felony murder.
And as soon as they said a second degree murder, I was, so I'm not going to say I was shocked. I was just, yeah, I was shocked. I can't lie. I was, I was definitely shocked. I was, I just felt like shit because my mother was sitting in the very, very first row. And all I could do was say, I'm sorry, mom. Yes, I didn't say sorry to the victim.
And my fucking grandma was sitting there too. You know, my grandma live on street. You know what I'm saying? My mom, she was sitting right here and that was, I just kept saying, I'm sorry, mom. That shit really, really affected me because I know it affected her. She did so [00:21:00] much for me, for me not to fall into this trap and one bad decision, it all went from downhill from there. So I was really sorry for my mother. Like, I'm sorry for my mother to this day. Mommy almost 70 man.
Brandon Chastang: [00:21:15] No, I know how, what is life in prison? So many people, so many people want to know, like doing life in prison. Have you ever come to the point where you say, yo. Man. I want to kill myself, man, or I'm just going to kill everybody. Like it's like, right. Like I'm a bit either. I'm going to be dangerous in here or I'm just gonna I'm contemplating suicide. How does that work? How does that mindset work in prison?
William Cummings: [00:21:49] Well, I'm going to tell you, you know, this, this is a place, I don't know people probably heard the, I guess the [00:22:00] saying you either get better or you get worse in prison.
Yeah, that's true. That's very true. But at the end of the day, it's all on the mentality see, you come from a, the environment environment that we grew up in. I wasn't new to this cause I've been in jail so long, but what I was new to was actually doing this much time and not going home. See, there is a difference.
So mean as though I'm a lifer. Of course I wild that effort. Of course, I'm suicidal. I'm going to kill everybody, kill everything. I just want to kill myself too. That's the part where the movies and shit kick in. Ain't nobody going to look at me like I'm a punk. Um, fuck him up before he fucked me up. Then that gets old after a while.
And it sounds, I'm saying that strong, you have to be extremely strong immensely in these places. [00:23:00] So being suicidal, I'm going to tell you, I'm going to tell you this suicide is something it gets to the point where you just get fed up with all the bullshit, right. And people use being suicidal is their go-to thing.
Some dudes are so suicidal in this place B. I bullshit you not, that the guards and shit don't even take them serious until they actually killed themselves. You know what I'm saying? So it's like, nobody cares. We don't give a fuck if you're suicidal, you're just a black guy from Philadelphia in jail for killing somebody.
We don't give a fuck about you. Go ahead and kill yourself. I've had these same guards, matter of fact, I don't see. I don't know. You can see, I don't know if you'll see in the background [00:24:00] to see them now, those three, those three personally, like they're talking right now, right in the back yelling. So you guys can't hear all of this.
These are the psychological games that they play. You see what I'm saying? Like we're actually on a call right now. I, you know, this is going transmitted through the world, through the internet. Every, this is an actual interview and you have these assholes in the back right now, yelling. She, what I'm saying, antagonizing doing all of these, just to try to get a rise out of someone and they know is you guys can't see to the left and right.
But it's a man in the cubicle next to me. Man in the cubicle next to me, it's like two more people down there. This was five men down here, and this is what they do on a constant basis.
Brandon Chastang: [00:24:49] Now, if this was your early, if this was your early years, what you would have, have done to the gaurds?
William Cummings: [00:24:55] Let's see if this was, if this was earlier in the bid, cause this is [00:25:00] 15 years in. Now this isn't play time or this is time to get free. But regardless more than likely, I don't even know B. Cause sometimes you have to have you can't like have a formulated plan. Like I have, I've done so much in these places B, depending on the way the wind is blowing is how I feel. Maybe earlier in the bid, I'd jump back there and start sucker punching them. I mean, you never know. You understand, this is a highly volatile environment.
Brandon Chastang: [00:25:34] Yeah. While you was in prison for 15 years, I was out here being a, um, what you call a mental slave. Where I was free, but my body, mentally I was a slave and I missed so many years of you being in prison.
And I want to say this on Self Inventory that, I'm sorry. I'm sorry for the [00:26:00] things that I went through and like you and I felt some type of way, because I felt like you left me. You felt like I left you, you know, and, and I, from now, I'm here.. I'm letting the world know that I'm here. I'm almost, I will be three years sober.
I don't drink, I don't smoke. I don't take pills. I will be three years sober, January the 21st, 2021. And I told my brother that I'm going to be here. And we did this interview because we want to spread awareness. The whole purpose of this interview was spreading awareness. So many children to feel like they can go to jail when they think they're going to come back home.
But this is a person that's doing life in prison and life means life, but things happen whereas though, you know, what is a possible chance he can come back home. You never know. You have to get in the law library. [00:27:00] When I was on drugs Brandon, it was so many things going on in my life that I did everything under the sun, Brandon to get my drug of choice. The only thing that I didn't do is do something with another man or do something to hurt my friends.
William Cummings: [00:27:24] That's loyality. Right.
Brandon Chastang: [00:27:26] How, how do you survive in there with your, um, temptations and I'm speaking and I'm speaking. I want to speak to th I, I want the viewers to understand what goes on.
William Cummings: [00:27:44] This is the thing. Now, as, as you know, you obviously know I have a son that's 15 years old and I was locked up the day after my son was born [00:28:00] in the hospital in Texas. And I'm talking about, I was actually handcuffed by detectives in the hospital. My son's mom is still in a fucking nightgown. She's still in a nightgown, um, sitting there, you know, those of us who have children, you know, you have to sign papers, claim your child and day before on the 17th of December, 2005.
One of my best friends. You'll you'll you'll meet him sooner or later. He gave me a blunt. Say you bout to have you kid, man, come and take a drive with me. Now, mind you, we are not affiliated, we out sections. Come take a drive with me. You know driving around, you know, some cars smoking to the Dick. This is, you know, the vernacular for the hood.
I mean smoke you're blunt by yourself, you know, to the face or whatever. That's the last time I've done a drug and I've done a drug [00:29:00] period. I don't smoke weed. I don't do pills. They got all kinds of new shit called Doose and all this faster, never in my life have I done any of this? Never. I don't drink, nothing. No.
I mean, so there's really no type of drug temptation for me. You understand what I'm saying? There, there isn't, they can't entice me with anything other than the psych meds that I got to take. I'm all natural homes.
Brandon Chastang: [00:29:29] What do you do to get by in prison? Like what you, like, what are your, what are your, what are your, um, your regimens?
William Cummings: [00:29:37] Okay. Well, my day personally consists of, there are three counts. It's like 6:00 AM for everybody, got to wake us up at 6:00 AM. Okay. i dont care how gangster you is, how douchy may be. See I'm old now, but y'all get it. No, no matter how tough you guys think you are you getting your ass [00:30:00] up at six o'clock. These folks are not having it. Only way you're not getting up at six o'clock in the morning is if you're in the restricted housing unit, AKA the hole. That's the only way, but I wake up at six o'clock in the morning darn regular, regular, I guess. A regular day in jail, outside of COVID-19 because there's, there's, we're on like a different type of schedule now.
But during a regular regular schedule, we get up at six o'clock. I probably got to stand up for count, be counted, go to breakfast at seven o'clock seven, seven 30, come back, go out to the yard at eight o'clock. So many yard be eight o'clock in the morning. So approximately nine 30, 10 o'clock. Working out, that's it all the shit stain sheet.
That's it. Point blank period. Come back. And maybe jump in the shower. Gotta wait again, go to lunch around 11, [00:31:00] 11:30. Come back then. There's another count. Okay. Approximately 12 o'clock get your ass up for that count. That's the first misconduct I ever got upstate was not standing for count. Nah, they got a spot for you. So at 12 o'clock count again, then there's yard again at maybe one o'clock one, one 15, something like that.
I might, I might just chill, chill in the yard. I don't really deal with a lot of people. That's how I survive in these places. Because you have to understand now this environment is where they prey on those that they think are weak. Like all of the games, this is what they do. They prey on people that they think is weak.
So you have to, while out you have to let it be known that I'm not the one I've never was the one and I'll never be the ones. This is a savage place. This is literally hell. [00:32:00] So not too much goes down in the morning in a yard, but in the afternoon. Cause everybody's out now. These dudes stay up to two o'clock in the morning.
One o'clock in the morning, watching TV, as you say, doing drugs, smoking cigarettes. And that's a fight that I do have to a certain extent smoking cigarettes. I do do that, but they don't even have tobacco here anymore. B they got some card that e-cigarettes everybody know what e-cigarettes. Vaping that's basically what we got, but they have their own brand in here.
So, so for maybe one to about two 30, three o'clock you can come back and chill two for a little bit, got another count at four or five o'clock then go to dinner, come back then there's a yard again, during the summertime, or there's something called the day room. They room is where they have the TV and they have the tables.
[00:33:00] That's another place where situations can happen. An idle mind is the devil's workshop. Remember back in the day, be at lunch and every, every spot on the planet, you got to do 49th street doors from North Philly. We from the M that dudes from the ed got dues from everywhere. That's how the day room is. So you've got all these different squads, different gangs, different people. And this is where a lot of the situations happen because we don't have anything else better to do absolutely nothing to do,
Brandon Chastang: [00:33:33] You know, for lifers, right. A lot of people feel like, as a lifer, people were used to be like, you know what, man, you doing life, man, go mess with a man or some shit like that, man.
How do you feel about that?
William Cummings: [00:33:44] Honestly speaking, as I said, it's not even the fact that you're dealing with another man. Of course, obviously I like women. Obviously you like women, you know what dude was fall for in jail. This is the fucking image of a woman. That's [00:34:00] where comes in at. That's where this place could train you. And change into something and play tricks on your mind.
And it's not to say, it's not that you have sex with a man. It's definitely that, but it's the image of a fucking woman you understand what im saying? We'd sell y'all and fucking PEs and vain. They sell mascara. They sell fucking lipstick. All male commissary. And he didn't start doing that until recently, maybe two or three years, because I used to argue ain't no fucking mascara on, Oh, damn. on a male, You know, general population.
Yes. They have these things on the commissary for men to buy now, as I said, I don't agree with it, but this just what it is, don't bring your ass to jail and you ain't never got to worry about none of this, that [00:35:00] shit come on with this territory homes.
Brandon Chastang: [00:35:03] I hope your kids is listening. It's everything that you, everything that a lot of these so-called tough kids want to go against. Right? You out in the streets, but guess what? Everything that you feel like you will get this inside the prison. And so many people go to prison for three years. It turned out to be something that they never thought that they would be. This is like I said before on Self Inventory we spread awareness.
When I, when I got clean from drugs, right. And I started doing my ones and two started getting my life in order, I had to reevaluate myself. I had to do a Self Inventory on myself. And it was things that I didn't like about myself that I had to get together. Like, Oh, you've been doing this for so many years.
Yo, it's time for you to change that because you've been hurting people. What is your self inventory now that you've served 15 years in PR, you've been in jail for 15 [00:36:00] years, serving a life prison. What is just self-inventory? What's your personal self inventory? Like what's the thing that you say, yo, I had to do this in order to be better at this.
William Cummings: [00:36:13] Well, my, my, my whole thing is I had to learn to have feelings, B. All the raps and all that shit my beat real life niggas who ain't got no feelings. That was me, man. Like, listen, it really was as a, as you hear me talk it's past just cause there's not anymore. I had to come to grips with I did something so stupid and so fucking irresponsible and so callous, it was powered, you know what I'm saying.
I had to dig myself and I had to first forgive myself for that because I know that as I said, I let you down you. I let the squad down and that's jsut [00:37:00] what it is. So I heard a lot of people about getting locked up, heard a lot of fucking people by getting locked up. Man, my son's mother till this day cannot get over the fact that I'm still locked up and I've been locked up for 15 fucking years.
She got a fucking nother husband, all this new shit going on, she still brings up, you got locked up. I hurt this girl so fucking bad. I don't even know what to do, but not to get on top of it. My self inventory is I had to apologize to this victim, to his family and I wholeheartedly from the bottom of my heart, honestly apologize.
And once I came to grips with that, I had to do some things that once again, I had to come to grips with, I had to show that I'm a changed person and this is what, yeah, of course I still get mad. Ain't no fucking doubt. I get mad. I get so mad sometimes y'all [00:38:00] want to fight some. I don't want to kill anybody cause there's no coming back from it.
We have to stop killing each other. We really honestly have to, we got to build these families and these fathers got to be around these kids.
Brandon Chastang: [00:38:13] It's a lot more, it's more Black men, cause we only got a few more minutes. It's more black men in prison than it is anybody else, right?
William Cummings: [00:38:20] Yes.
Brandon Chastang: [00:38:21] Questions real quick. What is, what, what do, what can you tell the youths being a lifer in prison? Please tell the youth something.
William Cummings: [00:38:34] This is what I'm gonna tell the kids, man. It may be cute and all that shit now get locked up, go down youth study center. They rebuilt it.
Brandon Chastang: [00:38:45] They did. It's in West Philly now was damn near 46th street. There's like 47th street, eighth street.
William Cummings: [00:38:54] So this, this is what I would tell to you, man. Just tighten the [00:39:00] fuck up, man cause this shit is not a game. They got a place for you. You think you're tough now. It's a lot of tough guys in here, believe me. Just go to school, all the same stuff y'all been hearign for your whole lives, go to school, get an education. And, and, and you know, what's your more crazy kids act out at school because some of them may be dyslexic.
Some of them, they, they need surrogate. What words am I going to say? Young men need challenges, the work may be so easy and fucking elementary in junior high school that they act out it's too easy. They, we need to challenge these kids. I'm gonna challenge you to go to school and pass all these classes. They need to get incentives.
A lot of things that we need to change. Kids learn about pleasure and pain. Remember, we used to get on punishment back in the day and just start punishing these fucking kids. They need some type of accountability. I was held accountable for everything I've done. There's many Christmases that I ain't get [00:40:00] shit acting up at school class and no one having it.
Mom, wasn't having it. They need to be held accountable and they need to check eachother. You see your homeboy doing some shit. why are you doing that? Now, believe me. I understand some things may be a little, it may be hard out there. Put your faith in the law, man. That's that's, that's basically it, man. Like, cause this John's about to hang up and I love you, bro.
Brandon Chastang: [00:40:24] I love you. I appreciate you on this podcast, man. Listen, you already know I'm with you for the rest of the duration, bro. I'm with you for the rest of the duration. I'm here for you. You know, I got you. We're going to talk, we're going to email. I'm gonna let the world know where they can write you, you know, so we can get that going too, man.
We gotta send them letters in for encouragement. Happy new years, bro. I love you, man.
William Cummings: [00:40:50] Happy new year, bro. I love you too
Brandon Chastang: [00:40:53] That's it. So the, the, the interview was over. We only had a selective amount of time, [00:41:00] but I just want to say, yo, thanks for tuning in. I hope that those who were listening and watching, learn something. You know, we're smiling, we're enjoying each other. This was, so this was one of the first time I've seen each other in 15 years and I just want to say, man, a lot of people talk about jail, but they don't talk about the hardship of jail and prison, the importance of not going to prison.
Thanks for listening. Self-inventory. Brandon Chastang is your host, AKA B McFly, top motivator in the world and your sober messenger.
Let's go.
Self-inventory is a podcast [00:42:00] produced by Brandon is Studio D Podcasts Production. You can listen anywhere you get your podcasts. If you'd like to support the show, please subscribe, leave a review at tell everyone you know about Self Inventory.